September 24th, 2017

Need a Positive Test for Something, Anything? We’ve Got You Covered!

(Inspired by various unvalidated, non-FDA approved lab tests.)

Fatigued? Achey? Having difficulty concentrating?

Don’t have quite the “zip” you used to have when you were young?

If you suffer from any of these symptoms and are frustrated by unrevealing medical work-ups and negative blood tests, you’ve come to the right place.

For at DNA-Dx, we’ll find that positive test result — we guarantee it or your money back!

Using novel antibody tests with in-house interpretive criteria, home-brew PCR assays and in situ hybridization, imaginative culture techniques, and other proprietary amplification tests, we dial up the sensitivity of our testing so that no stray molecule of infection passes by us undetected.

Not sure what test to order? No problem! Just order our special Pathogen Discovery Panel ($1299.99), which rigorously evaluates blood, urine, and stool specimens for literally thousands of microorganisms, leaving no stone unturned.

It’s available now for a special introductory price of only $999.99. And once you get that positive test result — whatever it is — you’ll agree it’s worth every penny.

Not only that, but if you order now, you get a free canvas tote bag with the DNA-Dx logo. Great for picnics, trips to the beach, or just shopping.

About Us

DNA-Dx is a company founded by Dr. Melvin Smoot, a chiropractor with over 20 years experience in spine manipulation and core alignment. Based on his patients’ histories, he was convinced that many of them with negative work-ups for fatigue and aches were in fact suffering from an undiagnosed infection. Working with Scientific Director Virginia Gleeper, Ph.D. (an honors graduate of Eastern Slovenia Polytechnic Dietary Institute), Dr. Smoot opened his first lab in the food court of an abandoned shopping mall. By redeploying some leftover equipment (in particular from Sbarro and Panda Express), they were able to offer an increasingly broad range of diagnostic studies.

Today, the company has over 100 employees, with offices and labs in most communities with high median incomes.

Frequently Asked Questions

  • Q:  What do you use for negative controls?
    A:  We at DNA-Dx do not believe in negative controls. Even our negatives are positive, provided you test them the right way.
  • Q:  Can you refer me to any scientific validation of your results?
    A:  The best data supporting the validity of our tests are the numerous patient and client testimonials praising our work. We have literally thousands of letters, emails, and cashed checks that endorse what we do.
  • Q:  What is your most common positive test?
    A:  Our expansive stool analysis routinely returns positive for hundreds of different microbes.
  • Q:  What techniques do you use for testing for tick-related infections?
    A:  At DNA-Dx, we are very concerned about the rising incidence of tick-related infections. As a result, we feel it is our responsibility to do as many different tests as possible. We won’t stop until one is positive.
  • Q:  One of my tests was positive — what do I do now?
    A:  If you click here, you can book a free consultation with one of our trained providers. They will guide you through our selection of a wide range of natural therapies and supplements, each proven* to help restore you to vigorous health. (Credit card required.)
  • Q:  Do you take insurance?
    A:  No.

*Disclaimer:  DNA-Dx is a registered trademark of DNA-Dx, Corp., and may not be reproduced, reprinted, or repurposed without the express written consent of DNA-Dx. Tests offered by DNA-Dx were developed and its performance characteristics determined by DNA-Dx. Tests and therapies have not been cleared or approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to diagnose or treat any condition. 

 

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13 Responses to “Need a Positive Test for Something, Anything? We’ve Got You Covered!”

  1. Ron Knight says:

    Side effects may include convulsions, myocardial infarction, peripheral gangrene, severe sepsis and sudden death. Why not ask your doctor if this is right for you?!

  2. Morris Effron says:

    Do you offer primary care services as well? I can’t seem to convince my PCP that I’m really as sick as your tests indicate?

  3. Loretta S says:

    For a small extra fee of $199.99, we will determine your ancestry AND give you a long list of scary health problems you have even the smallest chance of being at risk for.

  4. Ivica says:

    Eastern Slovenia ?!?! That is rude. Nobody likes people from Slovenia but still . . .
    Great blog btw

  5. James Grote says:

    One should also take note of our affiliated services which include a comprehensive array of testing for the vast array of nutritional imbalances and deficiencies virtually unknown to allopathic physicians.
    Offered with these services is a near infinite array of herbs, food additives, energy boosters and neglected vitamins limited only by the limitations of Chinese shipping containers.
    Complex biochemical and physiological explanations documented by numerous non-peer reviewed sources are available to assure you of the in depth understanding of our clinicians and expert consultants.

  6. Andi G says:

    I think I saw an advertisement for this on Dr. Oz!

  7. NoraO says:

    Don’t forget endocrine dysregulation. We also use our highly sensitive assays to test for and treat your inevitable hormone deficiencies with our salves and tinctures of phytohormones and bioavailable organopseudosubstitutes that we compound in our on-site pharmacy and use in chelation therapy in our on-site infusion center.

  8. Sharon Kramer says:

    Dear Dr. Sax,

    Your writing is clever. But it’s in poor taste and not even close to funny. Why would you find it appropriate to make jest of patients suffering from “the rising incidence of tick-related infections”?

    Why do you think that those who suffer from debilitating chronic fatigue syndrome deserve to be held out to ridicule by a “teaching” “medical researcher” such as yourself? To quote you: “Fatigued? Achey? Having difficulty concentrating?..If you suffer from any of these symptoms and are frustrated by unrevealing medical work-ups and negative blood tests, you’ve come to the right place.”

    If you want to understand why so many chronically ill people are turning to Dr. Smoots in this country; I think it would behoove you to re-read your above condescending words to understand who sent them there.

    • Paul Sax says:

      Thank you for your comment. It’s very appropriate for you to bring up the importance of chronic fatigue syndrome (and related conditions), for which I readily acknowledge we have no good diagnostic tests or reliable treatments. It is a serious problem that deserves way more resources for care and research.

      My point in writing this satire is that certain laboratories are taking advantage of all of us (patients and clinicians alike), with the promise of a “diagnosis” (infectious, hormonal, nutritional) through invalidated and expensive tests that can be misleading — and sometimes lead to dangerous treatments.

      Paul

  9. Gettothechopper says:

    There are lots of perfectly good, well-validated non-FDA approved lab-developed tests out there…just saying!

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HIV Information: Author Paul Sax, M.D.

Paul E. Sax, MD

Contributing Editor

NEJM Journal Watch
Infectious Diseases

Biography | Disclosures | Summaries

Learn more about HIV and ID Observations.